Bravery, coming out, the Asperger Difference

Lets take a look at Low spectrum Autism and Asperger’s through an adult lens. All through life there have struggles, social skills have always been very daunting, not to mention the daily task that simply boggle the mind. What about responses to others, with no perception of gauged emotion or empathy. People do seem to expect some type of emotional response, in dealing with their situations, not knowing how to show compassion or sorrow or even excitement, all this makes it quite difficult to have an emotional response. So many times that is met with snubbing indifference. Don’t take this aspect in the wrong way: there is empathy it is simply difficult to find a proper emotion to fit. Even dealing with one self, it is very sullen, not many highs or lows. I have a consistent non emotional stance. Even in times of great Excitement, it would be difficult to recognize in an adult with Asperger’s.

That’s very weird. Very likely in dealing with any type of situation that requires an emotional response you’ll be met with indifference, or a total shut down, because any emotional response requires too much of a person with Asperger’s. Many a friendship has been lost right here.

Bless those who walk with an Asperger adult, you are to be commended those who can see beyond the sullen, indifferent reactions.

So I write all of the above through the many years of my own life sufferings. Mimicked, mirrored and manipulated behavior’s is how I learned to maintain, yet even that was a constant effort, that can only get you so far. In the public school system I recognized very early on, that I did not fit the academic box. I would often challenge my teachers, to tell me what I needed with this type of information. I found it difficult to keep a C average. Part of public schooling is learning how to overcome all the stimuli, the constant chatter, the lights the social gatherings and such. It can and often did cause sever overload, and emotional melt downs, all that paired with my own learning disabilities it was very difficult to stay the course.

Please remember as I share and in looking at this further that no two people experience A.L.S.D in quite the same way. You may have only a few of these symptoms, or you may experience all of them at different times. I myself experienced all of them.

People with AS frequently experience anxiety, depression, and hyperactivity. In fact, AS is quit often misdiagnosed with other conditions. When a trained specialist is able to examine you, however, it’s more likely you’ll receive a proper diagnosis.

  • Problems making or maintaining friendships
  • Speech difficulties. It’s not unusual for adults with AS to have “stiff” (sometimes referred to as “robotic”) or repetitive speech
  • Isolation or minimal interaction in social situations
  • Poor eye contact or the tendency to stare at others
  • Trouble interpreting gestures
  • Inability to recognize humor, irony, and sarcasm
  • Inappropriate behaviors or odd mannerisms
  • Problems expressing empathy, controlling emotions, or communicating feelings
  • Lack of common sense
  • Tendency to engage in one-sided conversations (about oneself)
  • Fascination with certain topics
  • Interpretation of information as literal
  • The preference for a strict schedule or routine

I myself laugh at the list above, I read through and check each and everyone. Here is where rubber meets the road, when I myself was finally diagnosed, the one that glared at me the most was lack of common sense. That hurt my feeling, as I knew it to be all to true.

For me it was not until my mid 30’s that I was diagnosed. I had decided to go back to school, (again unsuccessful) however it was God doing for me what I could not do for myself. In school I was sitting in a Phycology class and they showed the F.A.T. video. Here is the link. https://vimeo.com/134226914 This was the beginning of an eye opener for me.

OH MAN! I sat at the back of the room in a cold sweat. Every fiber of my person wanted to get up and RUN; yet my legs were like lead. I sat and watched and cried silently. It all came perfectly clear right here. At the end of class I gained enough courage to discuss this video with my instructor. She referred me to the L.D.L. Learning Disabilities Lab. That directional made me feel tense and apprehensive. I hated the fact that I had to be directed to this! UGH.

Over the course of two weeks, of being processed, with questions, problem solving, and puzzles a diagnosis was concluded. That moment was very sorrowful. Growing up I had many label’s placed on me, and now here is another. Let me share boldly, my Diagnoses. The diagnosis was ADHD, and Autistic Spectrum Disorder. with dyscalculia and no common sense. OUCH! However I also learned in my testing that I am a kinesthetic, audible learner. All this was very heavy to carry out of the testing process. I had years of struggles and evaluations to reflect on. I struggled to come to terms with all of this, even though I knew it to be so very true.

Even now some 20 years later I am just coming out bravely about it. Realizing That I am not stupid, dumb, or ignorant. Even with the now added new label attached to the many other I had heard all my life. I have since come to realize, my Lord knew exactly what He was doing when He made me. I was made to march to the beat of my own drum.

I and / or you with a diagnosis: “ADHD, AS, Autism, or PDD-NOS”. What ever the letters you wanna attach. This is not a disability; (as one of my test consolers told me) this is a difference. So in other words the Lord made me/you special… SMILE! No in all actuality, we are not broken, we are simply wired differently. We see the world through lenses all our own.

REMEMBER THAT EACH AND EVERYONE OF US IS UNIQULY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. God makes no mistakes…

I’m Jeanette and I am Low spectrum Autistic, known better now as Asperger’s.

Thank you for Letting me share.

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