Bravery, coming out, the Asperger Difference

Lets take a look at Low spectrum Autism and Asperger’s through an adult lens. All through life there have struggles, social skills have always been very daunting, not to mention the daily task that simply boggle the mind. What about responses to others, with no perception of gauged emotion or empathy. People do seem to expect some type of emotional response, in dealing with their situations, not knowing how to show compassion or sorrow or even excitement, all this makes it quite difficult to have an emotional response. So many times that is met with snubbing indifference. Don’t take this aspect in the wrong way: there is empathy it is simply difficult to find a proper emotion to fit. Even dealing with one self, it is very sullen, not many highs or lows. I have a consistent non emotional stance. Even in times of great Excitement, it would be difficult to recognize in an adult with Asperger’s.

That’s very weird. Very likely in dealing with any type of situation that requires an emotional response you’ll be met with indifference, or a total shut down, because any emotional response requires too much of a person with Asperger’s. Many a friendship has been lost right here.

Bless those who walk with an Asperger adult, you are to be commended those who can see beyond the sullen, indifferent reactions.

So I write all of the above through the many years of my own life sufferings. Mimicked, mirrored and manipulated behavior’s is how I learned to maintain, yet even that was a constant effort, that can only get you so far. In the public school system I recognized very early on, that I did not fit the academic box. I would often challenge my teachers, to tell me what I needed with this type of information. I found it difficult to keep a C average. Part of public schooling is learning how to overcome all the stimuli, the constant chatter, the lights the social gatherings and such. It can and often did cause sever overload, and emotional melt downs, all that paired with my own learning disabilities it was very difficult to stay the course.

Please remember as I share and in looking at this further that no two people experience A.L.S.D in quite the same way. You may have only a few of these symptoms, or you may experience all of them at different times. I myself experienced all of them.

People with AS frequently experience anxiety, depression, and hyperactivity. In fact, AS is quit often misdiagnosed with other conditions. When a trained specialist is able to examine you, however, it’s more likely you’ll receive a proper diagnosis.

  • Problems making or maintaining friendships
  • Speech difficulties. It’s not unusual for adults with AS to have “stiff” (sometimes referred to as “robotic”) or repetitive speech
  • Isolation or minimal interaction in social situations
  • Poor eye contact or the tendency to stare at others
  • Trouble interpreting gestures
  • Inability to recognize humor, irony, and sarcasm
  • Inappropriate behaviors or odd mannerisms
  • Problems expressing empathy, controlling emotions, or communicating feelings
  • Lack of common sense
  • Tendency to engage in one-sided conversations (about oneself)
  • Fascination with certain topics
  • Interpretation of information as literal
  • The preference for a strict schedule or routine

I myself laugh at the list above, I read through and check each and everyone. Here is where rubber meets the road, when I myself was finally diagnosed, the one that glared at me the most was lack of common sense. That hurt my feeling, as I knew it to be all to true.

For me it was not until my mid 30’s that I was diagnosed. I had decided to go back to school, (again unsuccessful) however it was God doing for me what I could not do for myself. In school I was sitting in a Phycology class and they showed the F.A.T. video. Here is the link. https://vimeo.com/134226914 This was the beginning of an eye opener for me.

OH MAN! I sat at the back of the room in a cold sweat. Every fiber of my person wanted to get up and RUN; yet my legs were like lead. I sat and watched and cried silently. It all came perfectly clear right here. At the end of class I gained enough courage to discuss this video with my instructor. She referred me to the L.D.L. Learning Disabilities Lab. That directional made me feel tense and apprehensive. I hated the fact that I had to be directed to this! UGH.

Over the course of two weeks, of being processed, with questions, problem solving, and puzzles a diagnosis was concluded. That moment was very sorrowful. Growing up I had many label’s placed on me, and now here is another. Let me share boldly, my Diagnoses. The diagnosis was ADHD, and Autistic Spectrum Disorder. with dyscalculia and no common sense. OUCH! However I also learned in my testing that I am a kinesthetic, audible learner. All this was very heavy to carry out of the testing process. I had years of struggles and evaluations to reflect on. I struggled to come to terms with all of this, even though I knew it to be so very true.

Even now some 20 years later I am just coming out bravely about it. Realizing That I am not stupid, dumb, or ignorant. Even with the now added new label attached to the many other I had heard all my life. I have since come to realize, my Lord knew exactly what He was doing when He made me. I was made to march to the beat of my own drum.

I and / or you with a diagnosis: “ADHD, AS, Autism, or PDD-NOS”. What ever the letters you wanna attach. This is not a disability; (as one of my test consolers told me) this is a difference. So in other words the Lord made me/you special… SMILE! No in all actuality, we are not broken, we are simply wired differently. We see the world through lenses all our own.

REMEMBER THAT EACH AND EVERYONE OF US IS UNIQULY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. God makes no mistakes…

I’m Jeanette and I am Low spectrum Autistic, known better now as Asperger’s.

Thank you for Letting me share.

The Year 5781

In case you did not know, this is the year 5781, by the Jewish calendar it entered on September 18th of this year. Many had called me asking what is the Lord saying, hum? Every year for the last seven years the Lord has given me a word for the new year. They have been based from the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah. This year as I inquired of the Lord, all I kept seeing was His right hand extended. HUM! Curious; because as I began to dig into what I felt Him saying, I get tickled… How the Lord speaks to me and shows me things is AMAZING!

So the year is 5781 in the Hebrew concordance the word is uwq it means to totter, cause to totter, crush or meaning dubious.

AWE; I get ya now Lord; I say with a big smile on my face. This is absolutely fantastic, so follow if you will, as I unpack what I sense Him saying. Please know that I am a word person, I like to follow a word to its prim root; so lets put some definition to these words, from The Merriam Webster Dictionary

totter= 1. to move unsteadily STAGGERWOBBLE a: to tremble or rock as if about to fall, SWAY b: to become unstable threaten to collapse

And Then there is the word, dubious 1. unsettled in opinion DOUBTFUL a: of doubtful promise or outcome b: questionable or suspect as to true nature or quality

WELL; I’d say this is very befitting. WOW! Would you all tend to agree. The time all up to this year has been tottering. I’d say we all are feeling a bit unsteady. BUT, take hope, be encouraged. For the Lord our God has extended His right hand, so in that He has extended help and authority. Ya all we were never meant to do this alone.

So I feel the Lord saying: “This Is The Year Of My Hand Being Extended.” Jeremiah 29:11 was a passage I gave to my students on Friday, and that is when the Lord began to speak to me. Jeremiah 29:11 says: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I hope you know that this is a PROMISE!

From the start ya all the Lord has desired to be in Covenant Communion with us. Here is another definition worthy of a post.

Communion: the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a spiritual level. Wow, is that not beautiful. I have such a sense of AWE, as I listen to the Lord share with me.

Let me continue. An extended Right Hand; lets look at the Authority that the Lord is extending…

Luke 10:19 Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.

Matthew 21:23 Jesus entered the temple courts, and, while he was teaching, the chief priests and the elders of the people came to him. “By what authority are you doing these things?” they asked. “And who gave you this authority?

The word of God excites me, Remember it does not return void. Remember IT WILL accomplish and prosper just as our Lord says… I don’t know about ya all, but that makes me tremble. Woah! We are in for the ride of our lives, we are about to see the miraculous unfold.

Dubious; this will be a year that we will feel unsteady, and we will totter on our feet, BUT Remember GOD is there extending His Right hand. He is going to show us as never before how to walk with Him.

This I think for any parent is a time of delight when we hold our kids hands and help them to take their first steps.

There is more, I’ll follow with in the next few days. As I feel the Lord wants me to break down the Gematria in the numbers of 5781…

I’m excited to see what the Lord will say in that. Be richly Blessed, love to all.

JBlackwood

The Eclectic Soul

Eclectic soul

At 58 years young, there must be a point that one determines what they will be when they grow up. The difficulty in that is that excitement and passion are found at every turn. When you have an eclectic soul, there is a plethora of interest everywhere. Believe this; ‘its not simply interest in what to do but also in what not to do’. Quite often it is the what not to do that is the hinderance and the distraction.

Save yourself wandering in the wrong direction and learn to say no! Recognize this also that each one of us are on a journey, and exploration is a huge part of discovery for an eclectic soul. Don’t ever be afraid to explore the road less traveled, and try new ventures, but know when it’s not for you.

The road less traveled

So here we begin, a sharing of the many adventures of an eclectic soul. OH; and please remember there are oh so many adventures. Hence the title of this blog: “Exploring The Blackwood’s.”

                "The journey may seem nonsense, but only until it strikes a soul and illuminates a mind"
                                                                      

Proverbs 3: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Finding a place of peace.

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Sometimes finding peace is as simple as taking a walk in the desert, to change my perspective. What are ya all doing amid this Pandemonium? For myself, I had to find a new way of approach. I have recently left the social media platform; that is one way I’ve found to a place of peace, as much as I say I’m not going to get wrapped up in the drama, before I know it I’m wrapped up in the drama!

Doing rather than Being

I really did not notice how much time was rolled into social media. UGH! Seriously, folks, I feel I was an exception to the norm, yet even in my minimal time span on Social Media, it was still too much.

I really would like to have some dialogue on this, as I don’t know about you all, but much has changed in how I approach matters in life in this 2020 Pandemic. I feel the pull to get back to a simple approach in life. To pause and enjoy everything that was taken for granted before this Covid-19. I did not at all realize how busy I was doing nothing…

Sadly, I did not even realize how much peace was being neglected in the rush. I’m striving now to not only find peace in all this but to fully protect that peace. I have to see beyond the rush, beyond the fear, and beyond the drama.

focus

Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. There is real stuff going on in all this, yet too many are engaged in fear, in Politics, in the conspiracy and in the crazy. I for one don’t want any of that. My biggest peace in all of this is stepping back, and finding my Vertical focus, a life of beauty and peace in the solitude.

So please take a moment after reading and give me your thoughts.

Beauty after the storm.

In the light of this Covid-19 pandemic. The world is turned upside down. Stay at home ordered Quarantine is in effect, we are to practice distancing ourselves. No groups larger than 10. All this is so bizarre. I have to step out of it all. I prefer always to find the silver lining, the beauty, the joy.

So I stepped out into the quiet morning, the sun just peeking in the horizon. Let me say, there is such a beauty in the desert after the rain’s. Everything is so fresh, and the colors seem to illuminate.

This brings me thought; “how like our heavenly Father to remind us, if we choose to look, that there is beauty, even in the desert”.

Perspective is everything. Choose to step beyond the crazy, the fear, and the news. Go for a walk, and look for something beautiful.

Beauty in the new day.

Covid-19 perspective in the making.

The sky itself seems eerie and infected this morning. The sun desiring to shine, through the clouded gloom.

Thus the state of the nation as of a few weeks ago.

Yet in my perspective, I see a glorious sunrise, peeking into new hope in new perspectives, in the new day.

This virus did not cause God to pause, or loose purpose.

Why ask why? Why not ask what are you showing us Lord? What should we learn in all of this?

We had family Home church yesterday. We read in Psalm 91, in Matthew 11:25-30, and Pilippians 4. We had beautiful discussion.

The passage in Psalm 91, so very prevalent “RIGHT” now. Even our daughter said wow, what caused you to read this! Smile…

The Word of God comes to life!

If I am a child of God, then I have nothing to fear, God himself said I’ve got this.

So then I ask again, what should we be Learning now?

Let us ponder…

Mid-Life “Crisis.” The Awakening!

Seriously: What is happening? EVERYTHING  (yes I’m yelling) is changing!

Path

I’ve always thought mid-life crisis to be a myth, and that it was only for you men. This has been stirring in me for about a year, however it really began unfolding about three months ago. Everything is changing. I think they call it a crisis, for the mere fact of the concession that is put in motion. The crisis comes when we fight the progressive change.

Oh how I would love to be one to just flow with it. I read an article last night, the steps of  mid-life crisis. Yes, they really have that? I’m so laughing right now, really you can find anything on google! Anyway.

#1 YOU’RE LOOSING WEIGHT OR GAINING WEIGHT. = sadly it is the latter that is evident in my Crisis, Ugh!

#2 YOU’RE APATHETIC = check, and further down the list… YOU’RE BORED. again check.

# 3 YOU’RE EXPERIENCING UNUSUAL PHYSICAL PAIN. Yup, check. This part has been for some time now. Many test with yet no real answers. Why does the Dr. not simply say: “Oh your simply dealing with a mid-life crisis”? Laughing again. Real stuff, just saying.

# 4 YOU FEEL YOU’RE SLOWLY LOOSING YOUR MIND. Check   Thinking how mundane a life wasted in the pursuit of selfish gain.  Ecclesiastes 2:  “My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun”

# 5 YOU CAN’T SLEEP. I can check this one, but only in moments. I like my sleep, Okay! I think this is listed as it is that wandering mind that keeps the sand man at bay. 

# 6 YOU HAVE AN OVERWHELMING SENSE OF LOSS. Yes I can also check here, but with explanation. I have an overwhelming sense of a loss of time; “time wasted.” What truly have I done with my life?

# 7 YOU’RE MAKING RASH DECISIONS. “Oh man, check and double check, left and right. ” In my defense, it is like the swinging pendulum, that quickly swings back into a centered position.

# 8 YOU’RE ASKING DEEP, PONDERING QUESTIONS. Yes, and yes. All questions now are deep and pondering.

However, as I titled this, Mid-Life Crisis “THE AWAKENING.”  It is because my beliefs about my place in the world and what I want to achieve are expanding verses completely changing. It is not a point of regret for lost years of my youth, but a reevaluating of what is in-front of me. Looking deeply at all I held to be true, simply because of what everyone else told me.

Wait What?

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Looking deeper consist of the very evidences I know to be true. The depths of my pondering go beyond my own ideas.  I liken it to a Butterfly, who has just emerged.

Psalm 34:13 Lead me in thy truth, and teach me:
for thou art the God of my salvation;
on thee do I wait all the day.

Psalm 119:30 I have chosen the way of truth:
thy judgments have I laid before me

Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God is pure:
he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.

Yes there is a Great Awakening at work here; EVERYTHING is EXPANDING, and I believe it will be glorious.

 

 

 

Transition

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What is happening; some crazy mid-life awakening/ juncture? A proverbial unfolding display of what I liken to a growth spurt. It is rather hard to know for sure as all these many years have been formed in the milk stage. Now is the time for meat, some good old Steak and Potatoes. How do I chew?

So I’ve heard tell of men, and their mid life crisis. I never really believed it to be a real thing. YET; here I am a women, in midlife, finding myself in a major transition. Again the question is what is happening?

A few month back, our Pastor posed a question: “If you found yourself on a desert island, and all you had was the word of God (the Bible) what would church look like”? This question caused me to pause. Truly I found myself wondering why no one else seemed to take this question to heart? All of a sudden I found myself in a very precarious situation. This simple question was not at all finding a simple answer; this question shifted everything I’d ever thought of western church, and religion.

I must pause here and say: “I love my pastor and his family, I love my church, and I love the family of God found in those four walls.” The most beautiful people. So another thing I must announce here is: I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. Yet is announcing that fact, I was never okay with that fact. My Pastor challenged me to embrace that fact. He asked me what that looked like? OH Heavens; thus the transition begins.

Let me tell you all, this has felt truly uncomfortable. I have found myself many days full of frustration. Yet, I know that I never walk alone. The Lord walks with me, and is always molding each and everyone of us into a beautiful vessel, of His choosing.